Got laid last night but it's not what you think. It was either climb onto the courthouse steeple with a sawed-off shotgun and blow away half the town of T-ride, or do the old in and out, as in GET EVEN! Is that anyway to start the New Year? I think not. I was in heaven. My honey, R. and I were eye-balling each other to death until that little bitch from hell Shauna made her grand entrance and her grand play for Richard. I couldn't believe it -- he turned to jelly before my very eyes. I was foaming at the mouth by the time the balloons dropped from above and every one Happy New Yeared each other, while Auld Lang Syne blared from the large-screened TV. Ran weeping to the balcony where my little savior Eric Banks (i.e. the bartender) sidled up to me for an appropriate Happy New Year peck on the lips but instead I gave him the smootch of his life. After he recovered, I totally blew his mind by ordering him to take me home. More champagne, bartender! He's still grinning ear to ear. The only thing between my ears is a throbbing headache.

Bits and Pieces: Champagne could definitely become my drink of choice!

New Years Resolutions: No more excessive drinking No more overeating No more sex (only kidding)

Thing to do: Kill Shauna